My Ears Miss Ohio

Photo copped via Facebook from fellow Ohioian/my FAVORITE gay man in hardcore, Scott Niemet.

Life in One Hour.

8_3. CRYSTAL CASTLES @ NEWPORT MUSIC HALL, COLUMBUS

So for this sold-out, Crystal Castles show at Newport, I decided that for the first time, I wanted to watch the show from the balcony. One, because I learned my lesson about the misery of trying to dance in a tin-of-sardines-kind of a crowd when I saw M.I.A. at NYC's Hard Fest last year (and had a heavy storm come through and made it more miserable... go find the videos); and two, because I busted out the Rick Owens racer tank dress I gifted myself for my birthday and, although flexible and comfortable for a night of dancing, I don't think I trust its integrity rubbed against some sweating bodies. But cool story, let's move on with the actual show.

My two male buds and I arrived around 7:40 p.m. to 3/4 of the venue already crammed - the opening act didn't take the stage until 8:30! During that idleness, I pointed out to my friends a particular person in the crowd who may have, in the words of my friend Kent, "reached his peak a little too early." His enthusiastic jazz hands, hair whips, and air thrusts had us in hysteric. There was a good 30 minutes ahead of him before the show finally started. Poor dude couldn't hold it in any longer. The Columbus-based opener was not my cup of tea, but everyone else seemed to be gulping them up. To put it succinctly, whoever manned their lights should be paid generously, there was some rock 'n' roll (which I had little appetite for that night), and the keyboardist/vocalist would definitely do well in a mid-'00 Blood Brothers sounding band (which is not bad, really).

Crystal Castles finally went on around 10 p.m., though prior, members of the crowd and I speculated a possible second opener due to the presence of a drum set. (Did they always have a touring drummer?) Nope, that was for them, and of course the fogged up theater should have made it all more obvious. Amidst the flashing strobes in their hell of an impressive lights arrangement, they opened up with "Fainting Spells" and bulldozed through the first half of their set with all the hits. You couldn't see Ethan and Alice until "Baptism" kicked in, which is when their hunchback silhouettes had everyone go bananas and I'm practically losing my shit over the song's hypnotic trail. I've somehow managed to record the next song, "Courtship Dating," in its entirety (video below). If there was any problem I had about this show, it's that there were minor occasions, like the "Courtship Dating" performance, in which the vocals were hard to discern.

Sorry for the shaking camera. Can you blame a lady for dancing?

Alice will hand over anyone's ass in being the most energetic frontwoman for a live performance. Almost every time I come back from the dark, there goes Alice's feather-like body walking, sprawling, and fucking crawling through the sea of heads and hands gravitating to her beckoning like magnets. Those were the only instances of contact with the crowd, because otherwise they were completely removed. They did not check in on how the crowd was doing, verbally making it known that it's Crystal Castles on stage, or even said thanks. But really, is there any need or demand to break the mood with some small chat? Hell no. As the lights erupted and escalated like a fireworks show and hits like "Empathy," Celestica," and "Crimewave" (fuck yeah) had everyone feeling themselves up, and "Not in Love" had everyone nearly toppling over the balcony rail just to sing along, the group made sure that everyone was there to dance in their own ecstasy. If you didn't and you just stood there to "watch" them, then you're probably went bat blind staring at the violently pulsating strobe lights.

They came back onstage for the encore with not a word out of their mouth (no surprise there), and Alice comes out smoking a cigarette like a boss and swaying her shoulders and hips as "Intimate" slowly leaked out of the speakers. Two more songs came after that before they called it a night, but at that time my friends and I dashed to the door to avoid the crowd rush. And failed. It was in the rush that I noticed that the Crystal Castle male fanbase was total babe-topia, and it certainly wasn't saving me that these Josh Hartnetts and Simon Nessmans came through with shirts unbuttoned and hair side-swept behind their ears. (In Ohio?! How come I rarely see these men around?!) I met up with a friend who told me that being in the pit was, given the circumstances, surprisingly bearable. Now combining these two instances, I'm starting to wonder whether having all the free reign to dance on the balcony with this great view really was the better alternative.

Night accompanied by these lovely shits. I swear they were thrilled the entire night.

7_30. KVLT V: TEENGIRL FANTASY/PICTUREPLANE/GATEKEEPER/I†† @ DOUBLE HAPPINESS

This is my first time at Double Happiness, a bar-slash-venue located in downtown Columbus on Front and Fulton. It's actually rather swanky, and the theme of the decor and general vibe is Orient - hell, not only were there paper lamps, reed plants and amber tinted dome lamps, fucking House of Flying Daggers was playing on the big screens at the bar area. (Should have taken a photo of that, the dimly lit bar area is gorgeous.) Originally, the set up of KVLT V was going to have two different acts play either on the patio or the indoor stage throughout the first half of the fest - but as I arrived to get my wristband, Scott told me that residents were complaining that the sound was too loud. Whoever was complaining should have thought twice before signing a lease next to a bar/venue.

As a result, the time slots got pushed back by an hour and the headlining trio took the night around 10 p.m. Three of my lads and I didn't feel as terrible about the Dirty Franks hot dog rush hour that held us back (though it was tasty), but unfortunately we still arrived late and caught the last ten minutes of Columbus's Dirty Current's set: a a great mix of dark, crunchy bass bumpers that I feel in love with back when I saw them open for Deathface at Skully's. Despite the night being rather young for the dancefloor crawlers, the venue was half filled up - a positive sign for the fest as it's a crowd that makes the night.

I†† performed under minimal glowing light made convenient by the pre-placed lamps. This was my first time seeing the married duo live - let alone hearing the material. It was a drastic step from the brazening DJs before them, and it took that crowd a while to adjust from the environment change. This was the first time that I've witnessed the theremin being put to use for a live performance. It was both entrancing and fascinating to see the oscillating eerie hums added to washing sounds of minimal noise best described as the tortured, self-flagellating voices in your head.

It's no secret that the main anticipation of my night was seeing Chicago-to-Brooklyn transplant Gatekeeper play in my home state. I saw them headline Pendu night back in spring break with Streetwalker (1/2 of White Car) and Innergaze, so I was curious to see what their set would be like under the variables of touring and a crowd that blends a lot of the regulars of the Columbus eletronic dance music scene - a little more bright colors in the crowd of transparent black and denim. Albeit these circumstances, out came the rapidly pulsating strobe lights, abusing fog machine, and headlights well needed - perplexing otherwise - for this dark duo. Somewhere within the first half, their set got cut off during what I think was "Storm Column" for reasons I was unable to discern after investigating within the crowds. When everything went back into gear, the crowd erupted back to its raving state and I was in my self-sexual trance until blue tanktop guy plowed to the front to hard grind against this girl with so much force, he grinded against me and my goat-masked friend - up to a point to which I was not having it. Gatekeeper played a lot of what I assume was new material for upcoming releases and ended their set with "Chains" (yess) and "Giza" (yessx2).

I was with two friends who saw this tour in their current residence of Louisville, Kentucky. One of them told me about his funny predicament with Travis Egedy (stage alias, Pictureplane) and how he was mean mugging him due to the two showing up at the venue wearing the same parental advisory hat. This is why you Google search these performances prior to attending a show, preventing wearing what may be the stage/tour costume of a performer, and preventing being on the shit list for the night haha. But I digress. Real was indeed the feeling of the night, and Travis did a great job balancing his engagement (though from a distance - if that makes any sense) with the audience and even submerging himself into a moping euphoria through his own music. The glitch-hopping synths and drones are accompanied by Egedy's serenading breaths of soulful melodies that makes Pictureplane, and this entire set so dreamy. I wasn't too familiar with him prior to this night except for "Body Mod" and the "Real is the Feeling" music video, as well as an explosive amount of coverage he seems to be getting from music and art culture publications. That night I feel in love with the soundtrack to my future dreams. Get the "Thee Physical" full-length when you have a chance, I purchased this at the show on a cassette. Oh yeah, there were gimp dancers who, aside from the death glares they casted at the crowd, were completely removed and unresponsive to their environment except within the confinements of their duty to dance. I don't know why I thought this was slightly terrifying. I stuck around for 3/4 of the set because it got to the point where the poorly vented venue resulted in waterfalls of sweat, and I had to get out to regain sanity.

I unfortunately had to miss Teengirl Fantasy because it was hitting 2 a.m. and we had not only a long drive home ahead of us, but a mad craving for Taco Bell. (A very rare food mood for this health freak.) The Gatekeeper boys were doing lighting for this group, so I'd like to get the 411 on how all this went down. The drive home almost became a drive to our grave beds because when we got close to Nelsonville on 32, there was fog as thick as milk for miles.

5_29. OMEGAS/SCHOOL JERKS/CULO/VILE GASH @ The White House

My second visit to The White House in Columbus to check out yet another hardcore show. Summer's finally came out of its shell and spared us absolutely no mercy from perhaps one of the most sweltering basement shows I've experienced. If it was 94 outside, it was 100 degrees in the basement - and I'm sure that body heat wasn't taken into account. I spent the early hours of that day swimming next to a small flock of furry alpacas at a friend's farm. If only I could have pocketed and later enjoy that cool bliss at the show. Unfortunately God forgot to formulate that possibility when he created man.

Everyone literally warmed up outside drinking various tall cans of hard lemonade (and critiquing tastes of each one) before the bill finally revved into motion with Youth Attack/Columbus's own Vile Gash. Consider this set a warm-up for their West Coast tour (currently active) with Columbus cohort Nukkehammer. With the exception of some Pittsburgh visitors and Dayton-residing James Downing, a frequent of almost every Columbus punk show I've attended over the years, everyone planted feet and chilled with a few head lashes to the band's reverberating ripper of a set list. They apparently played some new tracks from their upcoming LP, including "Deluded." Joyously chaotic with a tighter grip on their brutality blasts - an improvement since I last saw them a while back. (Note: a long ass time due to my NYC-Ohio commutes and school.) Vile Gash ended their short set with a Crucifix cover (correct me if I'm wrong), and then everyone retreated upstairs to catch a hint of cool breeze.

There was a bit of a lag in time before the show moved on - mostly because School Jerks and Culo were nowhere to be found. Because of this, Omegas, the Canadian headliner of the night, ended up playing second to keep things going. I found this unfortunate because the reception of their set wasn't as crazy as it could have potentially been if they instead got the last slot. Regardless, Omegas was making the hardcore slams rain with the lights off. In this situation I wish I wasn't so petite and frail, because I wanted to stomp across the floor with the big guys so badly. (Realistically, I rickashay off anyone who crosses my path.) So imagine how bummed I was when "Disgusting Fun" (side note: intro echoes "Straight Edge Revenge" to me) kicked in. Took a picture of the vocalist in his bucket hat and trench coat get-up, but post-development I realized my thumb got in the way. He was quick to point out that unlike the noticeably absents, they "arrived on time."



Culo: I've heard a lot about this band before this set. Heard about the infamous flag burning at My Friends, The Pit fest and an apparent group beat-up of a troublemaker in the crowd during their MFTP set. Personally, I just wanted to see all this myself because a) I really, really like the "Toxic Vision" EP and find it to be a very fun listen, and b) I always take all stories with a grain of salt. When given the platform, everyone has a tendency to build up even the smallest of conflicts. So boom, Culo happened. Literally, the set lasted 6 minutes. I was amused by the slight uneasiness I sensed from the crowd, especially during the band's banters on being a Chicago hardcore band and beating the woes of bronchitis in the name of hardcore to play hardcore. You couldn't escape harm when crowd drives were encouraged by both the band and some ecstatic moshers. But hey, it was about time I saw some aggressive monkeying in the tiny basement.



School Jerks closed the show that night, and the time transition to them was equivalent to my walk all the way to a United Dairy Farm and back for a needed tall can of Arizona Ice Tea. (Too miserably hot to slam beers.) Had I not done so, I would have dry heaved vomit into the upstairs toilet, because dehydration became the end product of the hot, crowded basement. I took a birdbath against the bathroom sink and returned to the basement, immediately covered in a second coating of sweat and dust. Eerily quiet, the only sound breaking the silence was School Jerk's frontman chugging a 40 of cold, Natty Ice. As Canadian band #2, School Jerks was snooty and punk as fuck. The unbearable heatwave at this point might have contributed to the chaos. 80% of their set involved the vocalist stumbling about, nose and mouth plastered in his own production of thick, gooey snot (eventually mixed with blood), and a chuckling grin I seriously cannot get out of my mind every time I think about this set. The crowd got real agro at this point. I remember seeing the back of the crowd demolished like a set of bowling pins. I was kind of bummed that the ultra snootiness of the vocals didn't transfer well live (listen to their stuff and you'll know exactly what I mean), but that may have something to do with the constantly cut-off mic and the vocalist's state of sobriety. That entire set was an adrenaline rush: you had to hold on to your dear self if you really didn't want to get hurt, and you had to play dodge-the-snot every time the vocalist whipped his head sideways. I walked away with a purple right boob and snot dangling off my hair.


Overall great show. Wish the dog was around when I needed the snot licked off of me.

I think it's time for me to make my travel debut in Texas. There are some bands I don't give beans for, but there are a lot that's blowing me out of this seat. For some reason, Chaos in Tejas is the show destination for sought-after Japanese bands doing "one-time" only reunions/hosting their last show. Last year, Bastard reunited for the States show and now we have Kriegshog doing its last show in the States. Guess if you got to play big, you need to be somewhere that could accommodate the "big."




Miseryyyyyyyy!

Glad to see Vile Gash and Nukkehammer representing Ohio on the bill. My stomach churns over the idea of not going to this, and the line-up hasn't even been finalized! We'll see what crushers March will bestow us with.

via Brooklynvegan.com